Vent

Dear Subway customers,

Well, you are not just Subway customers. I guess this applies to any kind of customer, so for all I know you could be a Macca's customer, or a Burger King customer, or a Holiday or SuperAmerica customer. As long as you're a customer, this applies to you.

Just because I am behind the counter at a shitty job, it doesn't mean I'm not worthy of respect or courtesy. You think I enjoy working for stupid bosses who tell me "no it's okay to serve a sandwich made with tomatoes that have cored holes through the center. Yeah that's cool." and people who only pay me $7 an hour, therefore barely making it worth my while to even go to work? You think I like that? You're a moron.

The following is a list of things you should never, ever, ever do if you're a customer.

* If you've been standing in line for even one minute, you have no excuse to hem and haw over your choice when you get to the counter. The menu boards are big and up there so you can make your choice before getting to the counter. It's the whole "make your drink selection before opening the fridge" thing. There's a reason retail fridges have glass doors, and that's the same reason the big menus are put up. If you have been standing there yakking to your friend for five minutes, then get to the counter and take two minutes to choose between an Italian BMT and a Spicy Italian, I will not like you. I will serve you politely, as is my duty, but I will not enjoy it.

* If I ask, "Would you like The Works today?", please answer it correctly. Don't go, "Yes - I'll have lettuce, no tomatoes, pickles, and maybe some black olives." No. That's not "Yes". That's completely not The Works. That's three things you want and one thing you don't. The Works is a specific order for the vegetables on your sandwich. It is lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, cucumbers, onions, black olives, and if you wish, jalapeños and banana peppers. If you don't want one particular thing, it is okay to say, "I'll have The Works, but no pickles or hot peppers" -- that's fine with me. But don't say "Yeah I'll have The Works", and then stop me on every other vegetable to say, "Oh except that."

* One of the things Subway is famous for is portion control. You've all seen sandwich artists preparing the sandwiches - six tomato slices, six cucumber slices, etc. We don't do it because we like the number 6. We do it because that's how a Subway sandwich is put together. And guess what. We can only put six olives on as well. It's not very many, and I think it's personally pretty dumb. But that's what we do. If you ask for more, we can put a maximum of twelve slices on. If you get shirty with us, well that's just us doing our job.

* When you get to the counter, please remember this. I am not a dancing gypsy. So don't throw money at me. Seriously, I've had this happen. I say, "That'll be $12.47" or whatever, and people will literally toss a twenty at me. It's degrading. You wanna know how many times I've been tempted to throw your change back at you? A lot, that's how many. And don't throw your card at me either. I really, really, really hate it.

And number one rule for being a customer.

* If you are on a cellphone and have no intention of ending the conversation, or take a long time about ending it, I will not like you. If you are at the front of the line, and are having a phone conversation, I will serve the person behind you. Don't look at me all pissed. You were having a conversation with someone, it would just be rude of me to interrupt. Put down the phone, jerkwad.

Okay. I'm done.

Although hopefully I won't be at Subway much longer. I have a job interview tomorrow for a bank admin assistant! Yay!