God and stuff

Well, I mentioned in my first post that I would go into more detail about God and stuff in another post. And here is that other post. I figure this is kinda an important enough subject that it should be dealt with first, rather than "OMG there's a new Charlie the Unicorn video on Youtube!!!!!!"

Okay, enough silliness for now. Onto eternal matters.

Well, I don't know exactly what it is, but things have been kinda... interesting with me and God over the past year or so. When I first moved to the States, we didn't have a church to go to, and now we still don't. When we lived in Fridley, we found a larger, more charistmatic Lutheran church in the next suburb over. I went to it a few times on my own (Aaron was working weekends), and while the music was great and the preaching was great... but the people left a bad taste in my mouth. It seems at the time I went, they had started a new series of sermons called "Reach Across The Room" or something. Basically, the premise was that people can get lost in big churches, and they should make the effort to get to know other people, and reach out to strangers like Jesus would do. Well, guess what. I went to that particular service three times. And the only people who talked to me were the people at the Welcome Desk when I wanted directions to the chapel, the first time I went. No-one else even looked in my direction the other two times I went. So that kinda hit me for six, because doctrine and teachings and theology aside, I wanted to find a church that was warm and friendly like Keith UC and Marion UC, back home.

So then we found another nice Lutheran church nearby which was more up our alley, a little more traditional but really good (and it had this massive stone dove thing hanging from the ceiling - seriously, if you're under that thing, you and the twenty people closest to you are squished dead). I even went as far as to volunteer to help with the music, and spoke with the band director, but then we moved clear across the other side of the city, so that was no good.

Then there was a church right across the road from our apartment complex when we were in Eden Prairie, but it wasn't really our kind of thing. A bit too noisy I think. Aaron has kinda sensitive ears, and there was some guy who was part of the music worship who was excessively loud - actually yelling into the microphone. I'm not sure he understood that microphones mean you don't have to yell, especially when it wasn't that big a chapel in the first place. So that put Aaron off, understandably. And I found the theology to be a bit... holey. Maybe it was just showing the holes in my own way of thinking, but I remember there was this one part where a lady got up to talk about a prayer chain she started for her friend, because there were forest fires in her area, and 'because of the prayer chain', her house was spared while everyone else's was burned, so let's praise the Lord. My first thought was, what about the other people around her? Should they praise the Lord because their houses were burned? Maybe I'm looking at this all wrong, but it didn't really sit right with me.

Anyway, so we didn't go back there. And there our church search (hehe that rhymes!) ended for awhile. I found my pregnancy nausea too unpredictable to plan on going anywhere, and Aaron was working weekends again. When I began to feel better, I didn't want to go on my own (I had this paranoia that people would assume I had conceived out of wedlock since my husband wasn't at church with me - woo for paranoia), and then I had Laidey and-- well, I'm sure any new mother can tell you, trying to plan ANYTHING requires much more work than you'd think.

Then when we moved up here, I was happy. Finally, we would have a nice church to attend. When I was visiting here back in 2004 we went to the Lutheran church in Pequot, and we also went there to have Laidey baptised. It's a lovely church, on the traditional side, but the people are nice. We've been there a couple of times. But it doesn't seem as good as I thought it would be. Maybe I'd built it up in my head too much, and the reality wasn't quite as dazzling. So for the past few weeks we haven't been going to church.

"But you don't *have* to go to church to have a relationship with God, Suse. Surely you did devotions and read your Bible and stuff..?"

Yeah... you'd think so, wouldn't you. I tried to keep up with devotions, and I tried reading my Bible (haha, I just typoed and wrote Buble...) on my own, but I was experiencing the whole coal away from the fireplace thing. I guess I even still am now.

Then, about a month ago, I decided I wasn't sure what I believed anymore. I had discovered that an old friend from Easter Camp is now agnostic and had written lengthy musings on the subject of spirituality on his own blog, and it kinda blew me away. He was the typical pastor's kid, passionate about God, introduced me to Veggie Tales, and now he doesn't believe in God anymore?! I didn't begin to doubt because of what I learned about him, but I guess it kinda fueled my doubt a little. I've always been kinda afraid of questioning authority, and as authority goes, they don't come any bigger than God Himself. So it was like, that guy behind the pulpit said this, so it must be right. But that other guy last week said something different? Maybe they're both right and I'm just too dumb to figure out how it works together. La la la la. And, oh what my friend said just now sounds kinda weird but we're both Christian so I should agree with her. La la la la. Heck, I would even feel bad if I switched the radio station from Life FM to Triple M, even though they play the same dang songs every day, because I should like Christian music. That was my train of thought. So when I read my friend's blog, I thought that maybe it's not such a big deal to question, to think for myself, to doubt, to disagree with what other Christians say, to think that every single Paradise Community Church song sounds exactly like the other (seriously - C, C, G, F, C, G, F, bridge, chorus chorus, ad lib).

Thus, my train of thought is currently kinda stopped at the Station of Musing (oh my that's poetic and metaphorical and such. Whaddya know, I guess my English degree is actually good for something). I believe there's a God, and I believe Jesus was His son or special messenger who was born to fulfil the prophesies of Isaiah. As far as everything else goes... well, the jury's still out. Now that we're settled in here, I'm hoping to go to church more often, maybe get into a bible study group or something. My friend Erin goes to a nice church about twenty minutes' drive from us, and we're planning to go this Sunday. It's the church that runs the mothers group I go to on Thursdays (not today, I have to work), so I will already know some people.

Anyway, so that's my God and stuff post. Woo!